Tuesday, September 28, 2010

my theory... tonight, at least

i've just awakened from the strangest dream about scandinavians experiencing mid-life crises and blogging about them.
now, UFFDA!
i am indeed scandinavian, but i do not consider myself a mid-lifer at age 29 but perhaps am enduring some sort of a crisis... but definitely am not living on a windy fjord, retired and fiery and ready to share my deepest musings with world, even to the shock of my own relatives...?!
so very strange.
perhaps a future film script...

i haven't decided if waking up at this hour creates a fresh lucidity for both creative and spiritual reflection or if i am simplyhannah... and by the by, i must make a confession:
it has been so long since i blogged i had to search for "simply hannah" to find my own site and stumbled upon this which was highly interesting to my foggy, just-awakened brain. i ended up going to my Facebook page and clicking on my blog's URL. embarrassing.

in attempts to squeeze out my last drops of "lucidity" (or whatever we shall call this stream-of-consciousness rambling), i must also mention that once awake, i could not fall back to sleep due to the river of words, ideas, dialogue, poems flowing through my mind. i have not experienced this in quite some time, probably because of:
job #1
job #2
wedding planning
and the above events have clogged my brain to the point it apparently could not bear being forced to do the bidding of my Conscious any longer and simply exploded at 11:19pm on Tuesday night, waking me up without remorse.
that is my theory.

and my theory is not based on tonight, only, for this has happened before, MANY times, and used to happen more frequently. therefore i must conclude that i am either more OR less mentally stable than in past years... at this time, i choose to not draw a conclusion.

i have been musing also upon the subject of Contentment.
the stress i've been under is ridiculous but perhaps typical for a gal of my age and position in life. maybe i don't want it to be that way.
i wonder if those Passions and Loves that bring me such joy and make me want to drop everything in pursuit of Them exist for one purpose or maybe another...

One purpose being: to bring release, to ease pressure, like the pricking of plastic taut with steam, gently wafting through the openings to halt the cooking process.

Another purpose being: to awaken the soul (please advise on synonyms for "awaken," i have used it an embarrassing number of times already this post), to redirect, like the nod from a teacher when it's your turn to talk.

thus, to speak? or simply to rest?

in either case, certainly to be thankful for what may be enjoyed in that moment.

my policy is to never make any decisions at this hour, but rambling is allowed and even encouraged.

and may the rambling continue until the light of day sheds truth on what is to be.
be well,